Children are remarkably perceptive. They pick up on much more than we realize—not just what we say, but how we act. When kids observe their parents constantly comparing them to others, or pushing them to outperform their peers, they learn that their worth is tied to performance and achievement.
Over time, this can manifest in several ways:
- Low self-esteem: If a child feels like they can never live up to expectations, they may start to internalize feelings of inadequacy.
- Fear of failure: Instead of learning to embrace mistakes as part of the learning process, they may start avoiding risks altogether to avoid disappointing their parents.
- Dishonesty: The drive to “win” at all costs can lead some children to cheat, lie, or bend the truth to preserve the appearance of success.
- Conditional self-worth: Kids may start believing they are only lovable or worthy when they’re achieving—creating a dangerous foundation for future relationships and self-image.
In essence, when children become pawns in the game of competitive parenting, they may come to believe, “I have to succeed so my parents look good,” or worse, “If I don’t succeed, I’m not lovable.”
